oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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