mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
