mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
