someone threw a dead crab at me
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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