Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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