It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
