and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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