Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
