You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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