I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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