Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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