he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
no you cant smoke seaweed
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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