Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Sext me about skeletons
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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