im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
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