the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
