You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
