The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
