When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
