I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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