come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
