You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
no, he came in my armpit
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
