I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
