i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
