the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
