Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
