I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
