Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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