I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
