I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i just sent this text using only my big toe
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
