So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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