he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
