apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
