where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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