Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
