Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize
