Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
