I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
