this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
