this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
