i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
