Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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