see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm too high and old for this...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
