Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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