upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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