3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
