I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
