drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
we're so committed to being not committed
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
