I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
