I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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