did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
