watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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