I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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