you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
