Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
