my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
