I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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