: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
