I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
